Love in These Times

Love has so many obstacles to overcome these days. People who cheat, people who believe too much in astrology, people bound by responsibilities, people obliged to family, people for whom money's no.1 priority, people who differentiate on basis of caste, people misguided by looks. Takes so much. So many obstacles for love to overcome.

V-Day. Do we need a day to celebrate all that's fake? What do I see? - Couples who fight over petty issues over n over gain, who are disdainful towards each other, who are afraid to admit their relationship's a failure but acting all mushy on V-Day. Maybe they are trying to make it work? Or maybe they are trying to convince themselves and the world this is not the end of it? Or maybe it's just peer pressure (which really takes the cake you know?) Who knows.

People wait their whole lives for that special someone. That's what the mistake is. The wait. The thing's we are so used to waiting for the right one to come along that even when they do appear, we forget to recognize them for who they are. Your dreams are tied to that person you are waiting for, thinking he/she'll sweep you off your feet, thinking they'll love you like no other. It's all an infatuation with fairy tales. Doesn't always work out in life that ways. Funny thing is even after all the waiting and all the deliberation, you still choose the wrong person.

No, you don't choose the one who's silent, who's always in the background, who's always there for you no matter what. No, you don't choose the one who respects you; yes, does get possessive at times, can be a moron at times but really cares, who accepts your faults just as well your virtues. No, you don't choose who loves you for who you are. No, you don't choose him/her. But you choose the one who 'portrays' affection rather than feeling it. Who'd maybe ignite a spark in you, but in the end it's just that; just a spark. Relationships need more than that to work. More like a candle which wouldn't blow out. Until separation manifests itself as death. Yes, you choose what you thought your love should be like. Just like in the fairy tales but you never realize who you actually love's completely different from who you thought you'd love.

And even after that, you are with him/her. Trying to find what you thought was right with them, which made you say yes in the first place, which really never existed. V-day should be more like a celebration of death of a relationship- D-day. That's all you see. Couples holding hands, not out of love but just because that's the way couples are supposed to be. Whole bunch of unhappy people. I don't know even if this makes any sense to you. But I've seen enough and I've been disappointed enough.

Love needs respect, commitment, communication, trust, hurt, anger, a little bit of possessiveness, understanding, maturity, patience and silence. And just maybe a little bit of money but not really; I refuse to believe a relationship which has all those, would be bound by monetary issues.

I think most of us could look up to our parents. I know I can to mine. Made me realize love is not about 'it' working, but more about trying to make it work and then maybe not even trying cause actually it does work. I think the foremost thing we need in ANY relationship is 'acceptance'. That's it. That's the whole long and short of it. Acceptance for the way things are sometimes - good or bad. Acceptance of your partner's virtues and faults, strengths and weaknesses.

And I think we can look to kids too. I think they got it right. Their love is an innocent manifestation of their feelings towards anyone. They love their folks, their siblings, their friends, even the people they hate in a loving kind of way. There's no show, no pretense, just unconditional, innocent love.

But sometimes even parents have it wrong. Many of us look up to them blindly even when it comes to love, but we forget that they too were as confused as we are at this age. Maybe they themselves haven't got it figured out yet. Or maybe they do, but their wish of  'always wanting the best for their kid' gets the better of them. I mean it's surprising to find people who are so influenced by their folks, who say "I'll do an arrange marriage rather than a love marriage cause my folks obviously want the best for me and know who'll be the best for me." Not really. He/she might be the best but might not be the best for you, may not love you truly and who's to say you would truly love them. And I even know people who being in a relationship admit, if folks say 'no', that's the end of it, I am leaving this band-wagon and hopping onto the one my folks say. WHAT? And the funny thing is, sometimes both the parties are aware of this. Call it the curse of this 'practical' generation. 

One of my friend says anyone can love (pyaar toh sabhi karlenge). I don't think so. You could love a dog if you stayed with it long enough. Getting used to someone being there's not the same as falling in love. World of difference between the two. They will but it's not love love. It's a different feeling, it's a different connect. You can't explain it. Attempting to encompass 'love' in words, is a failure in itself. Try as you may, if you don't feel it, you don't know it...

....All I hope for is we all to find the right one for us and to remember that love needs no convincing, just a little bit of courage, that Love ain't easy, but it's worth it.


P.S.: Dedicated to a really very special friend of mine, who even after all the resistance and all the obstacles, faces each day with immense courage, who's a ray of hope for many like me. And dedicated a little bit to me, who lives in the hope "It's all good", if not today then someday ;).

 

"If I speak in tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give up all I possess and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

       Love is patient; love is kind; it does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - I Corinthians

Facebook = Voyeurism?

Pre-Scriptum: I use 'Facebook' here only to give the social networking sites a name and fb being the most popular, comes under the hammer. Fb in this article refers to all such sites.

Before the people start harping on my ass and calling me a hypocrite, here's what I've done: I've deleted both my Facebook profiles. All of it ,everyone in it. So now I can vent in peace :D.

I don't know what it is that urges us to know every little detail of anyone's life & also to post minute details of our own. Whatever you feel, whatever you think, WHY does it have to be publicized? Does anything you say really make a difference? Does it really matter to people other than just prompting a few comments on your wall & half a dozen obscenities in private? Cause that's what I used to do - curse hell upon those idiots.

And there are hundreds of such bimbos in my profile, who I couldn't care less about. I know I could easily block the updates of such people. But, that's not the point. The point is that the bloody F***ng stupidity of it all irritates the hell outta me. Self obsessed jerks who if do charity, post it on Facebook; jerks who post the amount of time they waited for a train, the amount they spent in the loo or some such equally astonishingly unnecessary stupid detail; jerks who follow petty agendas such as the 'i like it on the....' series, all in the name of raising awareness about cancer? To state a fellow blogger: WTF??!!

And the amazing thing is as there are people who post such shit, there are people who follow it too, even like it, love it, comment on it and get into an endless and highly meaningless discussion on it. Come on seriously, get a life !!!!! I mean I too have been subject to following the on-goings of my friends' life so closely, that it left me no short of feeling like a stalker (which ultimately made me question myself, what the HELL am I doing???).

This is what Facebook has done to people. Reduced us to brain-dead, nothing-better-to-do, post-it-all, follow-it-all voyeurs. And let's not even mention the hundreds of stupid games people follow like Farmville, Buttville (am sure must be one too) etc. What crap!!

If only we'd better invest the time we spend on Facebook for something else more worthwhile. I realize I have so much more time for myself and the things I want to do (and things I am supposed to be doing at that point of time), now that the Facebook bug's been rid of.

Ok. 'One' would be easy. Give me 'one and a half' useful thing that Facebook has done for you. Other than maybe helping you getting in touch with that old friend of yours with whom you lost contact over the years (as 'twas in my case.) But other than that, nothing. I figure '10' or at-most '15' is the figure, the number of people I want to be in touch with & know about. But then they are close friends & family; and we have the 'phone' to stay connected right.

I have emphasized the phone cause that too at times seems like an outdated thing. I know people who prefer to 'chat' or scrap each other on some such dumb networking site rather than talking to each other. And I know people who'd rather post every detail about their life & look or guidance (comments) from people, other idiots who really don't give 2 hoots about your life, rather than talking it out with someone close.

There's something called as too-easy access and being too much in touch. I think now people need to be more out-of-touch than being in-touch. It's become too easy now. I liked the days when people would take an effort to be in touch or at-least remember each other. It's really become way too easy now. Don't what a certain friend is upto? Oh, just log into facebook & check his status updates or just leave a message if you feel like it. That's not what staying in touch is about. It's about willingly reaching out to each other, talking to each other, remembering each other and letting the other person know you are willing to make that effort.

And here's where the change has been, that's made the whole effort worthwhile. As I have been off Facebook and as that's not an option anymore, people who matter have noticed and have started putting in an effort again to be in touch via messages or phone again. At-least better than leaving a note on the wall. Cheers to that.

And this post is not meant to criticize the people, but rather to lay a factual picture of really what - I think - is going on. I think what Facebook's really done is laid bare the stupidity and maybe the emptiness of people. The need of the people to share everything with the world has to go. We are giving too much of an entry to people into our lives (if not all, atleast most of us do). Facebook is a revolution. It's what defines this decade, this century, this generation. I would like to start a revolution by not being a part of this one. And let me tell you, "It's All Good" ;) .

P.S.1: Last but not the least, I leave you with a pic and a song which says it almost-all, if not all ;). Enjoy the laugh !

P.S.2: Here's the trailer of the movie Catfish, based on Facebook, based on real world happenings of 2 people. Do watch.

The 'Undiluted' Story of Alcohol

Pre-Scriptum: There are 2 kinds of people in this world. Those who drink and those who haggle the people that do. This is my response to all the people who hold drinking to be a vice, who don't understand the 'why' and most probably still won't. But what the heck. At-least it might shut you up :D

There are 2 main reasons for drinking, the right one and the wrong. People who drink for the wrong reasons is the reason alcohol is dis-owned, often misunderstood and often 'the blame' for their antics. I don't condone excessive drinking  & puking & being a nuisance to others. I hate people who get sloshed, create a ruckus, get into fist-fights, misbehave with a woman etc etc. Sadly this is just what the other-side sees and holds to heart. It's these rotten apples who've maligned drinking and obscured its purpose. OK, agreed I have been subject to over-drinking at times myself but I was juvenile then. Now I know that's not what it's about.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."- Frank Sinatra
I'll tell you what 'its' really about. It's about being liberated, about being free, of finally dropping the mask and letting go of the elaborate facade we're hiding behind. It's about coming face to face with yourself and finally having the balls to say what you really feel, be who you really are. It's about connecting with yourself at a higher level, about shutting out the world and having a quiet moment with yourself midst all the noise surrounding your life. So it's kinda like meditation,only better and much easily achieved ;).

"Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol."- Homer Simpson

Alcohol just serves as a catalyst between us and our emotions. And that's why some people refrain from drinking. Cause they are afraid. Afraid to embrace their deepest thoughts and feelings. Afraid of what they'll let out once they cut loose. Like one of my dearest friends did admit to me, the sole reason he doesn't drink is he's afraid of what might get out (he did give other lame reasons such as not liking d taste..but blah blah..hehe). It's about letting go of these inhibitions. It's about accepting the truth, not in front of the world but to yourself.

"In terms of alcohol in general , it is stimulating to the mind.Those that do not drink are missing out."- Anonymous
Everyone needs a lil push and a lil courage at times. That's what alcohol does. It gives you courage to come to grip with whatever it is that's bothering you. And I personally have my moments of epiphany after drinking. Everything gets crystal clear! :D. Over drinks I have realized I'll never get to be with the girl I liked sooo much, over drinks I have realized I have taken life too easy and something needs to be done, over drinks I have come to terms with my failures. And over drinks I have also cherished the friends and family that I have, the good times I've had and the lucky bugger that I am. Over drinks, I've shed tears for things lost and over drinks I've appreciated the things gained. In a nut-shell, over drinks I have understood life.

"Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets"- Dudley Moore
But everyone drinks for different reasons. Some just to relax, to let loose, some drink in sorrow and some drink in happiness. And it's a good companion for all of these times. And you are mistaken if you think we need alcohol to have fun. We can well do without it too. And you would also say I'm weak if I need alcohol to get me through the bad times. But I say it's just a medicine. If only temporarily, it releases the pain. But it gives a permanent will to fight, just like a good friend/family's support does. To get back up and fight another day. You think it's just a coincidence alcohol is also called a 'spirit'? The 'spirit' in alcohol refers to the human spirit. The spirit to laugh, to cry, to fight, to live. That's all it really is. Nothing more and nothing less.

"I drink to make other people interesting."- George Jean Nathan

And finally, it's about forging new friendships and strengthening old ones . Nothing bonds guys better than a lil bit of alcohol mixed with a lil bit of rock n roll ;). It's when true friendship's are formed. It's just like any other phase in a friendship, like being there for each other, like trusting each other, like anything that takes to make a friendship strong & true, drinking together too is the same. It gets people closer to each other faster than anything else. I'm not saying it's the only medium to form a good friendship, no, but it's a hell of an effective one ;).

“The existence of Beer is proof that God loves us.” — Benjamin Franklin